So I guess if you’re here, you want to know all about me. Well, you could just click on the "MYEPISODES” link, play EPISODE ONE and hear me tell my story, from my own cold, dead, blue lips, in my own haunting words. But I can tell that you’re the nerdy type who likes to read, so I’ve put it all down on your computer screen in print form, like sacred runes on a pagan tablet.
Be careful not to recite my saga aloud at midnight in the presence of a black cat. Strange things might happen.
At the very least, the cat might toss kitty litter at you in disgust.
“THE STORY-A OF CREEPORIA”
Copyright © 2006
About three hundred years ago
I was an actress in a show
And I was known around the world
From Iceland to Pretoria
When I performed or sang a song
I drew a crowd, a happy throng
They loved me, I could do no wrong
And I had fame and glory-a
But one day I was called to sing
Before a famous queen and king
And with me were the greatest bards
And dancers in their leotards
The brightest artists of the land
Were brought in for a one night stand
To stage a play so great and grand
That it would make history-a
T’was then occurred a heinous fluke
A jealous thespian, a duke
Came on stage to recite a sonnet
I knocked his wig off and stepped on it
It was an accident, I swear
Yet he gave me an evil glare
But wait, there’s even more-ia
When later he found me alone
He gazed at me with eyes of stone
And now my story gets much worse
For on my brow he placed a curse
I feared that I would soon be dead
But this is what the mad duke said:
You do not know that I’m a mage
And now this mage is in a rage
Because you dare to raise my ire
I now reveal, I’m a VAMPIRE!
And since you made me look the fool
I will turn you into a GHOUL!
You wanted fame to reach the sky
But soon your name will be forgotten
However, you shall never die
You’ll walk the earth half-dead and rotten
Only TWO things can break this curse
It doesn’t matter which comes first
Now, one way to win back your life
Is if you can become the wife
Of one who’ll gladly give their heart
To such a vein, repulsive tart
The second way to end this game
Is if you can regain your fame
Should you become a star once more
Then this curse gets thrown out the door
And so for three long centuries
I’ve lived in an immortal freeze
A timeless soul lost in the breeze
‘Til fame and glory I can seize
Throughout the years I’ve tried and tried
To win back crowds, I’ve laughed, I’ve cried
But creepiness is now a factor
That ruins my work as an actor
Yet still I rise up from my grave
To once again be bold and brave
To garner fame, I wish I could
And every week I pray and pine
To see my face on “Us” or “Time”
But audiences seem to feel
That this face they abhor-ia
The very best that I can do
So now you know my story-a
And my name is….
And my name is ….
And my name is….CREEPORIA!!!